Dance Partner (Nutcracker Side 2)

They say there are 2 sides to every story, right? In my opinion, that doesn’t always mean there is a right or wrong side; or a truthful or non-truthful side. People tell stories based on what they see, how it makes them feel, how it changes them. I am the person that gets life-changing epiphanies at the most random and seemingly non-monumental moments. This moment in time, the Nutcracker date, was just that for me. So… here’s my side:

Going out with friends is a pretty normal Saturday night thing, right? Wrong. Not for me. I got married, had a baby, all those life changing things and found that I lost all my friends along the way. Not only did I lose them but I felt that I was incapable of getting them back or that they wouldn’t want me back after the road that I took to get where I am. Needless to say, this “normal” double date thing, scared the living hell out of me. I was terrified. What if they don’t like me? What if I’m my normal super awkward self? What if my husband is a grump? What if I screw this up?  I went from “oh this will be so much fun” to “this is life or death, I’m done for” in a matter of minutes. It felt like I was jumping into a shark tank wearing floaties. I am not prepared to speak to adults. I talk to a 1 year old every day all day. What do adults even do together? What do they talk about? See how annoying that is? That’s my brain, every day. But anyway…

Amber gave you the Nutcracker details, white paint and all. So let’s skip that part. Somewhere in between all the laughter, the crab dip (best crab dip ever), walking around downtown Frederick, drinking too much, sharing our thoughts and crazy stories, I fell in love with this couple.

I believe in soulmates. And not just “lover” soulmates, I believe in 2 souls that were meant to find each other. For the purpose of survival, sanity, clarity, whatever. In those moments, my life and mindset were changing. I could feel it. It was an overwhelming joy, it was this feeling of finding something that I had been looking and looking for and almost gave up. But there it was. Right infront of me, the answer to the pain that I’ve felt, the loneliness I’ve felt because I couldn’t find someone that understood my past, the desperation I’ve accumulated over the years of fighting this alone. All that in this beautiful, blonde haired-fireball drinking-passenger side singing-crazy lady. How in the world did I live without her!? I realized that night that I don’t have to numb everything to escape my past. I have been searching for a way to get some sort of relief from my pain and the nightmares and the anxiety. I thought all along I had to cover it up, drown myself in alcohol, whatever I felt would numb it. I needed them. I needed my husband, Amber, and her husband. It clicked for me that night. And I will never forget it.

We may have frightened our husbands, annoyed the crap out of them, or both. But even when they look at us like we are out of our minds, I’ll still dance with you ❤


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