Today has been a weird day. One that has me stressed, frazzled and frozen. I’m trapped in my own mind and the weight of the world is on my shoulders. As I drove home, after deciding to buy my therapist a star wars candy dispenser, and succeeded in actually finding one, I realized that I was 1, going to have to leave it at his office and refuse any knowledge of where it came from. Hopefully a swat team wont be needed to open the box just in-case he indeed has some concerns about what is in the box. Then I will need even more therapy, and probably will be forced to find a new therapist. Sometimes being a giving person bites you in the butt. It makes you want to give people things, and sometimes those people do not know how to accept a gift, cant “ethically” accept a gift, or do not want your strange choice of gift. Really, this has nothing to do with my post, but its still important to type so you know how stressed I really am. Someone less stressed (my therapist says I am not crazy, that crazy people don’t know they are crazy….so all you people who don’t think you have issues are probably crazy, so don’t go judging me. I am sorry you are just finding this out.) people would not think of odd things to buy on the way home and then realize they need someone to lift some of the weight that is on my shoulders.
This is where the massage part comes in. I received a gift certificate for a massage for Christmas from my husband….in 2013. I called the place and asked if it had expired and it did not. This was a sign to me. The fact that I even knew where it was was pure luck (ask my husband) and the fact that they had someone TODAY was also pretty coincidental! So I jumped up and down, realized my phone was dying and tried to plug MY SODA BOTTLE INTO MY CHARGER. That’s right. I tried to plug liquid into my phone charger. Apparently the universe thought a massage was maybe not all that I needed. I think maybe it thinks I need shock therapy or something. (Is that really still a thing though?)
My point to this entire post is that I am so stressed, and worn out that I am making very little sense, and also in need of a miracle. Or something. I don’t know. Anything at this point. Except shock therapy. I don’t need that. I wonder if my therapist read my blog if he would re-think my being crazy claim. Its probably just a line all therapists use. I think I even read some where on a blog or book that someones therapist said the same to them. So either we aren’t crazy, and all you who don’t think you are , are crazy, or its just something therapists are forced to say.
Its been a long and tiring day…And as I write this post I just remembered I found out Carrie Fisher, Princess Leia from Star Wars, died. I did not know this when I went to buy the Star Wars Candy dispenser. Now I wonder if I should just hide it. Because giving something like that to a Star Wars fan after a very sad death could make someone upset. Or something. I think its strange that I was like, Hey I should buy my therapist a Star Wars Candy dispenser (he likes star wars, he always uses instances from star wars to prove a point sometimes, and well, yea,…. and when I was little my therapist used to give me candy at the end of each session….so I thought that would be totally cool, its a win win) and after I buy it i see everywhere the the Princess has died. I’m not sure what the proper etiquette is when gifting a gift to someone who’s favorite movie just had a big actress die in real life.
In all fairness it may not be his FAVORITE movie. He just happens to reference it a lot. I just wanted there to be a darn candy dispenser there so I could have candy when I was done with my session, and here I am wondering if I would upset my therapist.
Okay, this post is getting ridiculous and off point but I am going to leave it as is to show you what its like to be in my head and how I stress about everything and that is part of my anxiety disorder. It also creates different issues for different disorders I have but, yeah.
So I’m going to get a massage today. And its going to be really stress relieving. I hope.
Also… RIP Carrie Fisher.
xoxo – Amber