Isn’t anyone else atleast kinda worried about the new year??

I am pretty torn about this whole 2017 thing. Everyone seems to be pretty optimistic but maybe that just isn’t a strength of mine. 2016 wasn’t really the best, but there was definitely worse. Maybe like a 2016.0 or something would be better? Not that I really have a choice but there are a few concerning points I need to make. And of course, some pretty fantastic ones.

Concerns:

1) I think odd numbered years really aren’t my thing. Why? I don’t even really know. BUT.. I don’t even really remember much of my odd numbered years, which is obviously a problem. No memories=no memory. Other than 2015 when my baby boy was born. Best day, by far. Other than severe pain and yadayadayada.

2) typically I am very big on the new years “magic.” I go pretty heavy on the news years resolutions and leaving the past in the past and focusing on the positive changes. So normally I did this whole “what I want in the new year, I will ring in the new year with” thing. One year I wanted to focus on my faith, so, when the clock hit 12, I was spending time with God. And of course there’s the drunken teenage “omg I’m going to be with him forever so we’ll kiss at 12” thing which obviously didn’t go well. And “I’m going to enter the new year doing crazy things with my best friend that won’t ever leave me” thing.. also didn’t end well. This year.. I didn’t do that. So what is my focus on?

3) and on the complete serious side, I am broken. I made it through another year, but how in the world am I going to do this again without losing my sanity completely. Let alone, end up a better version of myself than before?

Fantastic things:

1) this woman, Amber. That’s all.

2) I rang in the new year doing something I have never done before. Dance. Anxiety is my prison cell. And I won’t lie, I always wished I had the courage to let loose and be free. Dance or sing or whatever my heart desires. It turns out I need orange crush drinks, fireball shots, and rum and coke. But man, was I ever free. I made a complete idiot of myself and I am still sore (4 days later) but that experience unlocked a part of my mind that I never could open before. A carefree, confidence that absolutely freed me. And bruised my tailbone…

3) with my new found courage, I have the ability to do anything. Not just make a fool of myself. But make a life that I am happy with, that I love, surrounding by people that make my heart happy.

4) I don’t know that this is a fantastic thing.. but I atleast still have one of my tights from that night. I mean… better than nothing, right??

 

So…. 2017.

I entered..

Dancing, with my soul mate and dance partner, laughing hysterically, with a bruised tailbone, one tight, and mixed feelings about odd numbered years.

Bring it on.

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